Editing help

hi! okay well I myself can speak Tagalog but I'm not at all that great, my vocabulary is particularly limited and my grammar is another story. soooo can anyone who speaks better Tagalog than me help me check this song for errors? any edits that go to helping it become perfect are much much much appreciated!

(btw it's a Tagalog ver. of alan's RED CLIFF -Shin . Sen-)

La la la la la la…
La la la…

Bakit ang puso ng tao ay laging malungkot at talas?
Ligaya ng tao ay lumulunod sa dilim
Isang daan ng tao sa gabi umiiyak sa tulog nila
Lumilipad ang apoy sa braso ng mahal

Tiwalaan mo ang totoong mahal
Hawakan mo at wag kang umiyak na

Sumasayaw ang puso ko sa yakap mo
Itong kamay ay kulay ng dugo na
Hanggang wakas na lang, iibigin kita

Nalulunod sa itong kama, ang itim na ang mundo ko
Pinapatay ang apoy, namamatay ang puso
Parang may kamay sa likod ko; naliligtas na ba ako?
Gumising na! Baka panaginip lang yan

Tiwalaan mo ang lakas ng mahal
Hawakan mo ang apoy; pasalubong

Ng anghel to; ginto ng bagwis niya ay magaspang
Sirain mo ang pulang tabiki na
Hanggang wakas na lang, mamahalin kita

At itong bulaklak namulaklak pa rin sa magandang araw sumasayaw na
Sa ating ilaw, sa iyong kamay, sa aking hininga, ang ganda…

ok first things first, can you please post your english version of the song...so that it would be easier for me to use correct sentence construction then ill just correct any grammatical error afterwards..thanks.

no problemo.

Why is the human heart always so lonely and sharp [to love]?
Human freedom drowns in darkness
One hundred people cry themselves to sleep at night
And fire flies into the arms of love

Trust in true love
Hold onto it and don’t cry

My heart dances in your embrace
Now my hands are the color of blood
So until the end, I will love you

I am drowning in this bed, my world becomes black
It kills the fire; my heart is dying
It’s like there’s a hand on my back; am I being saved!
Wake up! Maybe it was just a dream

Trust in the power of love
Hold onto the fire; a present

From an angel; her golden wings are coarse
Now destroy the red-colored wall
So until the end, I will love you

And the flower blooms after all on a beautiful day, dancing
In our light; in your hands, in my breath; it’s so beautiful…

ayt! thanks...just give me time...ill print the lyrics first and try to help you out to edit this lyrics to the best that i can....

Seriously i can't grasp the meaning of this song/poem except from the fact that it is a sad song/poem, i just based my translation through the ones that you have provided and get the essence of it. There were some lines that i find it odd but as much as possible i did not translate it literally word by word, and also rhyming is very important though not necessary but it enhances the whole piece itself.

anyway stop the talking, here's my tagalog version of your song, hope its not as bad as what i think.



Bakit ang puso'y laging may lungkot at sawi,
ang kalayaan ng tao'y nasadlak sa dilim.
Marami sa atin ang lumuluha sa gabi,
at ang init ng pag-ibig na sana'y makapiling.

Magtiwala sa tunay na pag-ibig
Manalig at 'wag ng lumuha pa.

Ang puso ko'y sumasayaw 'pag ikaw ang kayakap,
at ngayo'y dugo na ang kulay ng aking palad.
Iibigin pa rin kita, magwakas man ang lahat.

Ako ay nalulunod, ang mundo ko'y nagdilim,
sa pusong namamatay, at sa apoy na natupok din;
na para bang may kamay sa likod ko upang ako'y masagip,
Gising! at baka ito'y isa lamang panaginip.

Magtiwala sa kapangyarihan ng pag-ibig
Manalig sa init nitong taglay.

Mula sa anghel na may ginintuang pakpak,
at sa mga harang na siya na ring wawasak,
upang hanggang wakas iibigin kita, maglaho man at matapos ang lahat.

Sa huli'y sisibol ang isang magandang umaga at magsasayaw sa liwanag.
Sa iyong mga kamay, at sa aking paghinga,
Ang kagandahan nito ang siya lang maaaninag.



P.S. Sorry if it looks a little different to your own tagalog transalation but you could ask other filipino members here to help you out like Bosjef and Monkey D. Choco ...hehehe

thanks My Tagalog is really clunky sometimes and I keep confusing with Japanese grammar -__-

your welcome!